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The idea of having a bucket list has become quite popular recently. The Hollywood movie certainly contributed to that, but the concept is not new. Many personal-development books talk about some sort of a bucket list. The concept is simple. You put down on paper a list of things you would like to achieve or experience before you die.
Personally, I like the concept because it forces us to define what we really want in life and keeps us focused on reaching these goals. However, I noticed, with the growth of lifestyle design and personal development blogs and books, a trend that is making me uncomfortable. The tendency to focus on “things.”
Your bucket list is your bucket list. I’m not challenging that. You put whatever you want on it. However, I still think that at some point we need to ask ourselves the question: Is our bucket list just a list of selfish endeavors?
The Missing Element: Others
I’m asking that question for a simple reason. When we start building a bucket list, we usually add all of the craziest adventures we’ve dreamed of: skydiving naked with a beer, riding a horse across the Mongolian plains with a Genghis Khan costume or screaming “I’m the king of the world” while on a cargo ship crossing the Atlantic Ocean.
These are the ideas that come to mind quite easily (OK, skydiving naked with a beer may not be for everyone). But if we stop there, our list becomes an enumeration of self-centered things to accomplish.
While these dreams all have their own merit, they lack an element that is crucial to making our life better and more exciting: serving other people than ourselves. I’m not talking about becoming Mother Theresa. I’m just reiterating what scientists have already discovered, namely, that giving is key to our happiness.
Did Someone Mention the Word Legacy?
I remember reading a great tip about goal setting in Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
This is particularly important when we start thinking about leaving a legacy. In your case, would you like people to remember that you climbed the Everest three times, ran sixty-five marathons and scuba dived in Alaska? I doubt it. That would be half of the story.
You’ll probably want them to remember that you encouraged people to go above and beyond the expected, that you fought for a cause, that you helped someone live a better life, and that you taught valuable lessons to your peers. You’ll want them to remember that you contributed to something bigger than just yourself.
Hell is NOT Other People
The French philosopher and writer Jean-Paul Sartre wrote in a play that hell was other people (l’enfer c’est les autres). He meant that other people (through their presence, actions, and words) could really make your life a hell on earth. He’s obviously right.. well… to a certain extent. Most people would agree that life would be meaningless without other people around. Without the ones with love, learn from and appreciate.
This is why you go to a concert with a bunch of friends, not alone. This is why you support your friends in times of hardship. This is why you develop and cherish relationships. Because other people DO matter. And because they matter, they deserve a big and bright spot on your bucket list.
I’ve done the exercise myself and realized that visiting Vietnam, buying a villa in Central America and learning Kung Fu (I know, I got tempted by the new Karate Kid) were not completely in line with the legacy I want to leave. That’s why I added things like opening a school for disadvantaged kids in Peru and giving conferences on developing critical thinking skills.
What Are the Options?
If you realize that your bucket list is in fact a list of selfish endeavors and want to change it, you have a few options.
1. Choose the destination
Sit down and take some time to think about the legacy that you want to leave. Follow Covey’s advice and clearly define how you would like people to remember you. What will you do to be all that you can be? Including crazy dreams is fine, but you may also want to think about how you can serve.
2. Choose the itinerary
Now that you know were you want to go, you need to find the best way to get there. Look at your bucket list and examine what is missing. Ask yourself if achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself will bring you closer to your chosen destination. Think about aligning your skills and interests with other people’s needs.
3. Live the dream
With clearer means and better defined objectives, you need to walk the talk now. Most importantly, you need to enjoy. I’ve seen many people (myself included) putting so much pressure on themselves to be perfect and save the world. For me, a bucket list should be a tool to help us achieve our dreams and go beyond the expected, not a attempt to impress our peers or a sure way to burn yourself out.
What’s on your bucket list?
Please share in the comments what’s on your bucket list. I’d be interested to see if your list has evolved over time along with your hopes and expectations? Is it in line with the legacy you want to leave?
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Original photo by pasukaru76
Disclosure: This post contains an affiliate link, although it’s there, first and foremost, because it’s a great book!
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